The Mathematics Of Divorce Gottman Pdf

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· 62 ratings · 8 reviews

Start your review of The Mathematics of Marriage: Dynamic Nonlinear Models

Mar 08, 2011 Meghan rated it really liked it

This is not for the layperson, unless you're a mathematician. And then, it states very clearly that the math has been simplified so the non-math professionals can understand it. So let's be clear, if calculus scares you, don't bother reading. This read like a college dissertation versus an actual book. They clearly outline their theories and their goals and then follow with subsequent scientific and mathematical research and results. As a non-math person and a non-professional in therapy, there This is not for the layperson, unless you're a mathematician. And then, it states very clearly that the math has been simplified so the non-math professionals can understand it. So let's be clear, if calculus scares you, don't bother reading. This read like a college dissertation versus an actual book. They clearly outline their theories and their goals and then follow with subsequent scientific and mathematical research and results. As a non-math person and a non-professional in therapy, there was a lot of wading for me to go through in order to get to the point of things.

But despite my limitations, I found the research fascinating. And I liked the results. I first read about Gottman in a Malcolm Gladwell book and I found his whole approach to relationships extremely interesting. I liked that he is using science to help address couples in therapy. And science not in solving their problems but pinpointing where the problems begin. Another reason I liked his research is he didn't limit himself to just heterosexual couples. He devoted an entire chapter to gay couples, both gay men and lesbian couples. The findings compared to heterosexual couples was quite interesting. There were similarities and differences that play important roles in couples therapy. And a good therapist will know what they are, or at least make the attempt in learning them.

I saw at the end that there are other books by Gottman that sound more for the non-professional. I do plan on trying at least one of them out. One of my biggest disappointments of this book is that I had so many questions that a professional would probably not ask. But I was quite pleased by chapter 17 as it gave a lot of great examples of what to look for and what Gottman would do in certain situations.

I would not recommend this to anyone outside the professional therapy field unless you have specific interest in the subject or a lot of time on your hands. But I encourage you to at least take a look at other Gottman books. He made some really great points that as someone in a relationship could use to help make their relationship stronger. You don't need to be in trouble to learn the skills to defuse tension and be better communicators.

One of my favorite statements was comparing looking at negative situations with our partner as similar to how you would handle them with your friend. Example given is you would not say "this evening really disappointed me. I was expecting more intimacy and community and so this friendship is over." Likewise, with your partner, not all your problems are solveable. But how you react to them and your ability to discuss them are.

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A quite dense yet comprehensible book about FACS and marriage for anyone (even someone with no mathematical background).

Jun 13, 2020 Nima rated it it was amazing

Except the mathematics that I don't understand, it's a perfect book to know almost everything about love. Except the mathematics that I don't understand, it's a perfect book to know almost everything about love. ...more

Feb 22, 2021 Ananth rated it really liked it

Good info,
Writting could have been better pressented.

Jan 23, 2009 Sampath rated it it was ok

This is a complete thesis work. Most of the book is with equations and empirical. I skimmed through those parts (most).
Got some talking points from the text though :)

Sep 09, 2010 Mitzi rated it really liked it

Very interesting analysis of how marriage works (or doesn't) from a nonlinear perspective. Very interesting analysis of how marriage works (or doesn't) from a nonlinear perspective. ...more

Oct 18, 2017 Ji Young is currently reading it

10/18/2017
[[two chapters in, and I wanted to leave a note about how I started this book and what I have felt so far]]

I consider optimism as my key strength, but when it comes to work or logic, I tend to become very pessimistically realistic; if I expect something to be nearly impossible to be flawless before starting a task, I oppose or argue against it first. 2 years of work experience have led me to question such attitude and to encourage myself to acknowledge the value of pursuit in spite of

10/18/2017
[[two chapters in, and I wanted to leave a note about how I started this book and what I have felt so far]]

My manager recommended me this book when I told him jovially (not at all in a serious setting) that as an economist-wannabe, I sometimes find it difficult to convince myself social phenomena can be explained or modeled with economics, for the similar reason I just presented. He then handed me this book: The Mathematics of Marriage. I laughed. Disclaimer: I do not look forward to, or even plan to get married - again, for the same ridiculous reason, that I do not expect marriage to be flawless (although I will fail to be that logical in a romantic relationship once I start one). This, combined with a lame excuse that I was busy at work, took me almost a year to actually get started on this book.

I am in chapter 2. It is already challenging my my skeptical view towards mathematical model of a social sciences topic, not because it is nearly perfect, but because it humbly acknowledges the model's flaws, difficulties, and limitations. I am starting to think that maybe if I know where I am going into, it may not be that bad indeed to offer an imperfect explanation for a complicated social issues.

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John Mordecai Gottman is an American psychological researcher and clinician who did extensive work over four decades on divorce prediction and marital stability. He is also an award-winning speaker, author, and a professor emeritus in psychology.